It’s been more than five years since you left me, you said
it was because of your family couldn’t accept our relationship, so we should
ended it, though you said you loved me, but up until now I kept wondering, if
you really love me, why didn’t you even try to maintain our relationship back
then?
Every day felt like nightmare since you left, my beautiful
life turned into a life which I never knew before, it became worthless, and I
wasn’t ready to face that kind of life, I didn’t have any preparations for that
day to come, I never thought you would leave me, but it happened anyway.
You said you would never leave me, and stupidly I was
believed in you. In fact, I believed at everything you said, but who didn’t?
You had a sincere smile, warm personality and always being nice to everyone, everyone
would definitely think you were a perfect guy, and all of those things made me
drown in your love, and I lost my own self.
I felt you became out
of my reach, you always avoided your gaze from me whenever we accidently met at
the school corridor or somewhere else, you didn’t say a simple ‘Hi’ to me in
class but you greeted every single person you met whether inside or outside the
class, all I could do since then were just watching you from afar, but it was
so painful to see you were doing completely okay without me, more painful than
the ‘Goodbye’ you said to me, I never knew it was that hurt to ended a
relationship.
Maybe it would take a whole life to heal this broken heart
you gave, because I still could feel my heart is being scattered inside, it
still hurt just by heard your name came out from people’s mouths.
But I never saw any slight of sadness whenever I saw you,
instead you looked happier after we broke up, ‘seemed like you really enjoyed your life with your friends,’ I
thought, went to a karaoke, ate together, or simply chattering around. I always
thought you were so happy without me, while I was suffering a lot, and even
lost my zest of life.
That day, I promised I have to be strong, for myself, I
should show you that I’m okay without you,
and I promised I would never, ever loved anyone anymore, I closed my
heart to whoever it is.
After all this time I tried so hard to recover, to be
strong, I finally did it, at least I’m strong to enough to pretend I’m alright
in front of you.
But then…
“Liz, please…” You pleaded for a second chance, kneeling on
your knees, gripping on both of my hands tightly, those eyes are still as
gentle as ever, ‘oh how long I didn’t
stare at those beautiful brown orbs’, I thought. I might fell for him again
anytime if I kept staring at him, so I let go of his grips, took my hands and
left him without a word uttered.
‘Why you ask me to come back with you after
all this time, why now when I almost finally so much better since you left, why
you suddenly came as if you never did those horrible things to me? weren’t you
the one who left me? Ryan, why?’ I thought, I don’t want to fall in love
with him for the second time, I don’t want to suffer more.
But nothing has changed with him, the way he stared at me,
the way his hands held onto mine, the way he smiled, everything is still the
same, “No, Elizabeth, no, don’t fall into the same trap again,” I said to
myself as I shook my head.
I tried to live my life normally the next day, went to the
college, tried to focus on what the lecturer explained, and enjoyed my lunch
with my best friend, it was raining when I wanted to go home, thus, I decided
to go to the library to do the assignment which the lecturer gave earlier, when
suddenly I felt someone took my hand, “Liz, please, don’t run away anymore, at
least let me explain everything,”
I knew exactly who it is without turned my head, there’s
nothing I could forget his voice.
H begged for me to hear his explanation, I hesitated but
finally nodded my head, I turned my body to face him, we sit facing each other
and he started to tell everything.
“I’m sorry for leaving you that time, I knew I was such a
coward, I hurt you a lot, but I was only a 16 year old boy who didn’t clearly
understand anything, all I did was just following what my parents wanted, and I
unintentionally hurt you, I thought you would be better not long after it, but
everytime I saw you, all I could see was deep sadness, and… depression. It hurts
me to see you hurt, though I knew I was the reason behind it. Until one day I
realized that I really love you, and I want you back,” he explained everything
and I just lowered my head, “I knew I’ve hurt you so bad, but please, give me a
chance, Liz, once is enough, I’ll show you I can make you happy.” He tried to
convince me as his hands held on mine, stroked them softly.
It was the first time Rny talked these much to me since we
broke up, but I don’t know what should I do, I don’t want to be hurt more than
I’ve got before, because I know there’s a risk to get hurt from being in love,
and I don’t want to go back to that dark phase. But I can’t also deny myself, I
still love him, so much, and he’s all I ever wanted.
“Ryan, I…” I tried to speak and I could feel a deep stare
from him, “I don’t know…”
He kept begging at me, promising he would never do the same
mistake, and I sighed heavily, “You don’t know how painful it was, Ryan, it
took more than five years to made me feel better, and it’s just a little
better, honestly, I’m not fully healed yet, but forcibly, I still love you,
with all of the broken pieces of me, my feeling hasn’t changed at all.”
He smiled at me, softly, a smile that I always love to see,
“I’m really sorry, Liz,” he said as he gripped on my hand, “could you give me a
chance to fix everything? This time only me and you, I won’t let my parents to
intervene, I love you”
I unconsciously nodding my head, I can’t lie to myself, I
still want to be with him, and I don’t mind if I’ll get hurt again, all I want
is just to be beside him, coloring our days together.
He hugs me securely, and I hug him back, bringing myself
into his embrace, how I miss his warmth.
“Thank you, Liz, thank you, I promise I would never let you
go this time, I won’t waste this second chance,” he said as he caressed my hair,
I could feel there’s love he sends from his fingers through the touch.
I hug him tighter, “I don’t need promise, Ryan, just stay
beside me,”
And here am I. Drowning in this captivating love once again…
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